Waiting for some fabulous news,
and how I’ll feel like fireworks
on a full star night when it comes.
I want this. I want this. I want this.
Not knowing the method of delivery,
I keep my phone handy and
check my email hourly.
I’m looking at every face,
peering into every set of eyes
I’ve been feeling so sure
that I did everything right this time.
And that this proud announcement
will have my name all over it.
day after day after day
and every sun that sets
takes some optimism with it.
I practice not being too dreadfully disappointed
when I know I’ll be nothing else.
“It doesn’t mean I’m not deserving”
I’m just not deserving enough.
It just isn’t my time
and it’s not meant to be.
Preparing my heart for disaster.
There’s still time,
the news could still come,
but at this point I know I’ll cry either way.